In school, I'm always the happiest person in the group. I bring a smile to everyone's face when I can. I'm super friendly to my friends, sweet and understanding also. I finish my class work with a smile on my face and make my lab partner look forward to sitting next to me in science class. I brighten up a room when I go hangout at my friend's house and I also am a person to talk to and someone you can express your feelings. But that is what I am in front of my friends...

For the past couple of years, I have been sort of the "lowest of the low" in my family. I get tired of how many people look down on me and it's been going on for a couple of years now. My brothers can tell me to go get them shit from downstairs, upstairs, neighbor's house or even Jarir and I can't say shit back. My dad just says "respect your elders" and all but I just get uncharacteristicly mad when someone other than my dad or my mom tell me what to do. I'm always sad and angry everyday in my house since the day I got to Qatar to start ASD. I have been holding these feelings for 4 years and put on a mask of happiness at school.

Respect where I am is a very fragile thing that I sort of treasure it when I can. I just wish I could get my dream job as being a good diplomat so then my family can finally respect me and then I can really feel like I can belong at least. Even the 5 year olds in my immediate family don't respect me and it really hurts knowing that your being shadowed by someone elses success, in this case my dad and my eldest sister. Most of you don't know what it feels when your sitting with your uncle's, your dad and also some strangers and your being ignored and shunned away. I really just wish I can finish high school, get into a good college, join government and then finally know that you succeeded in life. I pray everyday for this.

I'm writing this because my good friend overseas has passed away and he had been holding these feelings for about 7 years now and I realized it's better to let stuff out before something unexpected happens to you. I have a sort of knot in my throat when I'm writing this by the way.

Gotta go to sleep now.

~ Taiki